You know how fat people are...

I don't even remember what I was talking about with the woman at the store when she said,

"you know, it's like when you see a fat person..."

I sat silently.

I was shocked but didn't want to show it.

"They just look so gross, you know how fat people are,” she continued.

I didn’t respond.

I just changed the subject.

That exchange happened a month ago.

Today I am writing from the deck of the ferry that carries passengers from the mainland out to Martha's Vineyard.

I'm so happy right now, in part because I'm with my band of brothers.

We are starting a weekend away one day early.

Our wives will be here tomorrow.

The other reason I'm so happy is that I fially fit in the seat here on the ferry.

I have been morbidly obese most of my life.

Ten years ago I was 430 lbs.

Today I am 244 lbs and losing.

I do, indeed, know "how fat people are".

I am an expert.

We are the same as skinny people.

Everyone has an area of their life they want to change.

The thing we "fat people" want to change shows up on the outside for all the world to see.

The woman doesn't know I'm a fat person.

I wear it on the inside now.

Make no mistake; I am still a fat person.

It took me 42 years to find the answer to why we can know what to do and still not do it.

It's what enabled me to reclaim my life.

It's what inspired me to become a life coach in the first place.

Though I may not look like a fat person anymore, I always will be.

It's ok.

I honor that part of me by not judging him, forgiving him and by not trying to banish him.

He just doesn't get to steer the ship of my life anymore.  But that's for another blog post.

The woman does not know she is talking to a fat person and it makes me wonder what else people see and don't see and what their perception causes them to say and not say.

An ancient mystic once said that "even a fool appears wise when he says nothing".

But that only speaks to his actions and not his heart.

The heart is a great place to start.

5 things not to say to someone who has cancer.

WARNING… RANT ALERT!

My friend has cancer.

Cancer, as you know, sucks.

I have watched and listened to things people say as they find out.

The following list is of things people have said.

If you find yourself in their shoes, please do not say the following.

Note that this is an actual list and each item has been said not by one person but by multiple people.

1.  Hey “slick” you had such a nice head of hair! Why did you cut it like that?????

If someone becomes bald overnight, it might be safe to assume something is going on.  Cancer is sadly so prevalent that when a person you have not seen in a long time is hairless, consider the possibility that they may be having chemotherapy.  Use your head before commenting on theirs.

2.  Oh no! My cousin had that kind of cancer and died within six months!

This is the one that I find really hard to take.

As a rule, when you find out that someone has gotten bad news, don’t follow it up with a horror story.

3.  Try ____________________, it’s an absolute miracle cure!

No it isn’t… and that includes: fish oil, reiki, bee pollen, vitamins, chiropractic care and about a dozen other items that have been offered as easy answers.  Certainly cancer can be treated holistically, but there is no easy out, fast track or guaranteed solution.

4.  Is it terminal?

If it is, they will let you know if they choose to.  If it isn’t there is no reason to replant that already planted thought in their head.

5.  Did you _______________________?

Smoke? Lay out in the sun? Eat aspartame? Eat MSG? The question you’re asking is really “Is there a way to blame yourself for this?”

So what should you say?

The truth is you don’t have to say anything.

You could simply listen.

If you want to say something then“I love you and I hope your treatment goes great!” could be all you need to say.

Jim Trick works one on one as a certified life and professional coach over the phone and Skype, with people all over the world.  If you are ready to schedule your sample session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email thatlifenow@gmail.com for more information.

My mom still knows best...

My mom is getting older.

I just watched the curser blink under that sentence for half a minute.

I realized yesterday that I have not been as patient or attentive as she needs me to be.

She forgets, walks slow and repeats herself.

I usually feel frustrated by it, but that started to change yesterday.

Like a wave of the Spirit it hit me.

It is time for the investment she made in me to finally pay off.

I keep a cane in the car for her to use if we are going to walk any distance.

We argue about it because she does not want to use it.

I eventually just let it go.

Yesterday instead of trying to force a cane on her I did something different.

I offered her my hand.

Her hands are crispy from years of work, dry skin and wear.

They are bent from arthritis.

But at the same time her hands are soft and beautiful like a mom’s.

I offered her my hand and she joyfully took hold.

Our fingers intertwined.

I felt the mix of wear and warmth and it was beautiful.

We walked along Rockport Massachusetts’s Bearskin neck hand in hand until we reached the sea.

All the time I have spent arguing with her I could have been holding on to her.

The speed at which we walked became irrelevant.

The physical connection allowed deeper conversation.

The proximity allowed for quieter voices.

I’m thankful for this lesson learned and I wonder…

Where else am I offering a fist instead of an open hand?

Who will you open your hand to this week?

What will it feel like?

How will it change things?